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Rest, Don't Quit

I had a really big, a really ugly, and a really good cry this week. And, somewhere during that cry, something shifted for a brief second while I stopped, stood back, and tried to remember the last time I cried like that- and I couldn’t.

I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why I was crying, but john being the incredible fixer that he was, needed to know so that he had something to fix. But the longer his “give me a clue” list became, the more frustrated I was getting with his need to figure it out. Didn’t he see that I just needed to cry?

After what felt like a pound of tears mixed with a cocktail of fierce frustration towards my husband, I finally yelled, “I’m just tired! I’m so, so tired.”

And just like that, I found it. The bottom. And now I had somewhere to curl up and rest a while.

10 minutes before that, I was, in my head, building the boat, packing my bags, and setting sail to the most remote island where I didn’t have to think or do anything ever again. No one to feed, no one to help, no rules about what I can and can’t do, no bills to pay, no emails to answer, to sidewalks to shovel, no arguments to navigate, no business to run, nothing. I was ready to quit all of it. Or at least, that’s what I thought.

Turns out all I needed was to rest.
And now I’m back. Funny how that happens.

I don’t know who else needs to hear this today but I feel like there might be a few of you. Life is hard right now and we need all hearts and hands on deck to bring lightness and joy to the world. So do what you need to do to take care of you and we will be waiting for you when you’re ready.

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